I have been a mom for more than half of my life now. I have worked in an early learning center with new parents, and as a child and youth worker for the school board. I really thought I knew a few things about babies, kids, and parenting. I have often heard parents with multiple children say things; there’s always that one kid in your tribe that makes you know you are totally done having babies. That one kid that makes you want to pack your bags, run away and never look back. The one who challenges your ability to be a good parent or even maintain your sanity. The one kid who makes you question if you’re even currently sane. My last kiddo, Poopsie is that kid. Poopsie; is cute, adventurous, curious and full of energy. The type of energy that I can’t keep up with because I am so darn exhausted since he doesn’t seem to require much sleep. In my head, I replay past conversations I have had with other mommas in distress. Me supporting them through common parenting struggles; like sleep training, picky eating habits, routines, toileting, breastfeeding, biting, spitting, pinching, hitting, sharing, and sibling rivalry. This Poopsie of mine challenges my knowledge on every one of those topics, along with my patience. He has me researching and brainstorming ways to best handle his big personality. Every strategy we have tried hasn’t worked with him. He is our last kid and he wants to make sure he stays that way!
As a SAHM I devote myself to my children even giving up my once loved sick days. Yet they spend a lot of their time driving me bonkers and testing my limits. Sometimes I wonder what I signed up for, 3 under 4 and a teenager! It seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn’t even know it was possible to spread this thin. Here I am too exhausted to have a coherent conversation or go out with friends. Gosh, it is hard enough to maintain friendships. I feel like I am constantly apologizing for not being able to keep up in adult conversations. I know what The Paw Patrol did today but not what’s happening around our world.
Little Momma thinks I am brilliant. She says “I want to be a mommy when I grow up” which melts my heart. It gives me the strength to get through this craziness. It gives me the motivation to push through this hopeless feeling rut. I know it is just a stage. However, being logical is difficult in the moment. Thankfully my eldest KK has taught me a lot about parenthood. She is a great reminder that time moves quickly and we can’t go back. Most importantly that no stage lasts forever and soon we will be onto the next. That I will get through it, and I will even miss the crazy one day. So, days like today when I am ready to quit motherhood, I am trying to embrace the chaos. The truth is; one day my kids will all be grown, my house will be clean, it will be quiet, I will be bored and little child-free.