It’s 10 pm. My kids often still wake in the night and wake up first thing in the morning. I often wonder if my kids require sleep? I need to take tips from them or borrow some of their energy. I am a mom of four but even when I was a mom of one the demand of being a parent I find can be so overwhelming. I should be going to sleep now but this is my “me time”. I push myself to stay up late just to sit in quiet and be alone. Usually regretting it in the am. As a SAHM people tell me I have so much time throughout the day to get everything done. But what is everything? Is there a such a thing as getting everything done? Do I take care of the kids, the home, myself? Some days I feel guilty because I feel smothered with parental duties and I just want to quit being an adult or take a sick day. I feel overwhelmed and busy and even during naps or quiet time or when my kids are in school/daycare (3 days a week) I still feel so busy being mom. Even when nothing is going on, my mind is still so busy. When I sit down to relax someone always needs something, or an appointment needs to be booked, or dinner needs to be prepped or there’s a diaper hiding and I can smell it but can’t see it and I definitely need to get up and search for it. Even when I can be alone in the washroom the toilet is probably flooded with the whole roll of toilet paper stuck inside that needs to be plunged. Why do such little bottoms require so much tp? What a waste!! During the day I just can’t seem to slow down. Even when i’m trying to simply do nothing for a few. I feel disorganized and selfish and guilty, oh yes that mom quilt is real. Oh this messy house is out of control. Toys, toys and more toys. Even things that aren’t toys are now toys like my pots, containers, measuring spoon and my shoes! When I look at the clock I can see theoretically I have so much time throughout the day but why I am I getting so little done? Probably because a mom’s job is never done. There is always something more to do. So tonight like most nights here I am when I should be sleeping writing my first blog taking some new found relaxing mommy time to just do me.